anisourous’ blog

why o lord have u forsaken me. downcast and worn out. Here i am.

Fucked.
yes.
Fucked.

i have not used that word for quite sometime. it comes in handy when u can't find any other vocab to replace the essentials it has. Fuck. I am not going into some philosophy of the history of the word. yes. i plan to mean to use it. right here right now.

fuck fuck fuck. i think for this to be my first entry.. it's unbelieveable. I've not cursed for eons.months years. yet, my first entry. i think blogs are for ppl who can't find any other outlet to lash onto.. and hence vox was created. fuck a fox and u will be vox. yay.

i think i'm like this cos i still can't accept how disgusting my offering msg went. the relationship i'm having with the cg is only gg down spiral. am i seriously tearing as i type this. gosh. zhipeng =( why are u having ur exams now. i i i i i i i i i i i i i cant possibly tell this to nat or za or... anyone else can i? perhaps it's just a lifestyle too beautiful to be kept. a pack of lies built up, packaged, into what a seems like clean-on-fire-christian should be like. i'm suppose to have the most fun with my bro and sis in christ. i'm suppose to be proud of who i am. i know, not every min is shearr joy, in fact not most. but shouldnt i be at least fucking comfortable with who i will fffface for the rest of my ffflife.

am i just sensitive. a tad too sensitive?
i am feeling
i want out. God i ave tried. i have. i really have tried to connect with ur ppl, even those under my coc ISNT listening to me. yes ONE. even the only one is ignoring the crap out of me. u think it's that easy to try and connect with someone only to be rejected,ignored... i din do it so that u will appreciate me pls. O PLLLLLSSSSSSSS . i.... am not gg to the ends of taking 20 pills. i just... can't clear my thoughts anymore. congested. i love ur presence i really do. i love ur ppl i seriously do. i cry for them i do. i want them saved so badly, yes all that. but God is that what one would feel when their flame has been snuffed out?  why is it that it seems as though i have lost my passion this month. Nobody backslide overnight, it all accumulates?  ah.  happy birthday da jie. i'm too tired to think. stop emoing cjkja. God loves you so much so so so much.. why are u entertaining such thoughts.

but the problem now is. is a cgc even suppose to be cursing and typing this out?. i have no idea. i see unmarried cgl kissing, pda-ing. hmmm.. but u arent gonna stoop to that lvl are u? nah.
i think.. this ain my calling.  no. i pray. i seriously need u God. Give me an answer. i need u.. i am lost without you lord my soul is longing for u to santify it. thirsting for more..................

maybe this is how i email to God. lol. LOL!...... funny.

voxing saved my life. ....................................but why the toot am i talking to myself? -.-
O WELL ONLY I READ THIS BLOG. might as well-
an.. U CAN DO THIS. even if they dun support u even if they give u sacarstic looks, remarks, u are not going to give up. For u were put on this earth for a purpose, a purpose filled with great destiny. maybe...i just need a change a minstry..a cell..? a church? ee PUI. out of ur mind eh. -.-